Let me start this post by addressing my unborn son....I am sorry I have not even mentioned one thing about being pregnant with you up until this point.....39 weeks.
I feel like a cotton-headed-ninny-muggin. But you need to believe me when I say, it has nothing to do with a lack of excitement for your arrival. That couldn't be more far from reality. I thank Heavenly Father for you every single night in my prayers. My dreams are filled with your addition to our family - you and your sister interacting. My thoughts are often spent wondering who you will be. I can't wait to meet you and learn about your personality. And cuddles....I can't wait to cuddle and mug you!!!! No, no, the reason that I have not dedicated any posts to you, my son, is that your sister is crazy. Nuts. And this momma is TIRED! Time is so fleeting that I really never have any of it to dedicate to just sitting down and writing out my thoughts. So here they are, at 39 weeks - better late than never!!
This pregnancy has been pretty similar to Hadley's with a few key differences. One, I have not gained nearly as much weight as I did with Hadley. Which is odd because I have eaten worse this time around. With Hadley I didn't so much as even want to see unhealthy food....the thought of grease made me want to vomit. Where as this time around, I have been craving junk food. Baked goods have been my weakness!! But the pounds aren't packing on. With Hadley I gained, this is embarrassing, 70 lbs!!! And with this one right now I am at a 31 lb gain.
The second key difference is that with Hadley I had NO mood swings. Seriously, I has SO many people tell me that I seemed happier pregnant than non-pregnant. And I was. Not so much the case this time around. Ohhhh boy, my inner anger and rage have been hard to deal with. Seriously some days I wake up and I just want to punch a wall for NO reason. I have been trying really hard to keep that all inside though and not release the beast, and I think I have done an okay job. Hadley really hasn't seen the mommy-beast, but poor Dman has on a few occasions. That's been a really tough struggle for me.
Everything else like the sickness, and insane back pain, and tiredness have all been the same. Well, I am more tired this time around but I completely attribute that to having a toddler.
I really cannot believe that I am already at 39 weeks. I try to wrap my head around having two kids, but I just don't think it will feel real until it actually happens. Its like before you have your first, you really have no idea what to expect. While I know what to expect baby-wise, I just don't know how I am going to handle two, how our family is going to change, and most importantly, how Hadley is going to handle a sibling. I was scared, like really scared, for a really long time. But just within the past few weeks Hadley has come out of her terrible two's (YAY!!! And knock on wood....) and so I have been able to get more comfortable with the idea of an addition.
I am actually excited to have a baby around again. While they are hard and pose some challenges to freedom, I love baby cuddles and smells. I love just staring at my freshly fed and milk drunk baby. I love watching my baby sleep. Of course, I do realize that all of this will happen post
7pm (the Hadster's bedtime).
I am getting nervous for the birth because I know what to expect this time!! If I tear bad again, I don't know how I am going to function after with having Hadley. When I had Hadley I could barely walk for a couple weeks after, not a luxury I have this time around. So I am praying that all will go well and that he won't be too big.
I am still questioning the boy factor. I really would not be shocked if he came out a she. Dman thinks I am nuts because we clearly saw that he was a he on the ultrasound, but I wont be convinced until I meet the baby.
I am just getting anxious.....excitement and nervousness all mixed in one. Big changes, but exciting changes. I can't wait to meet our new child. I love that they come with different personalities, and I have learned a lot about myself and about Heavenly's father's trust in me with having Hadley. I am excited to see what this child will teach me and who Heavenly Father sees fit to enter our family.
I guess I am technically full term now, so can I say any day now?? I don't know. I was late with Hadley and I think I will probably be late again because that just seems to be what my body does, but we shall see!! Maybe the next post will be an introductory one??? AHHHHHH so CRAZY!!
Until then, Leah.
